Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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