I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
