Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
a search helicopter?!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize