Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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