I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
