i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
