It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
