do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
