no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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