you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
