Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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