Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
