hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
