I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
