She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize