i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
