Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
