You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize