if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
