Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
