yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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