I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
