my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
