Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
