umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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