the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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