We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
