drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
