Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
