We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
