You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
