just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
