Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
