i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
