new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i drank out of a bidet.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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