Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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