just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
