that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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