dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
