Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
