Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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