Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
