a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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