My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
