i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
