Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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