Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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