My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize