I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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