i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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