have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
