i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
