I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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