She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
