It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
