Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
