grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
