Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
