I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
