maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
did i walk over a car last night?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
