his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
