I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
