I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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