It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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