i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have tasted many bathrooms
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
