his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
