Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
